PER the information on her verified Instagram page, Nollywood actress, Laide Bakare, is set to tie the knot with her third husband today. She wrote: “Love it’s a beautiful thing (sic), join us this Saturday, December 2nd at Amore Garden, Lekki Phase 1.” Someone complimented her level of ‘grace’, saying that some ladies were still searching for their first husbands. Those keeping record of such terrible transactions say that Bakare’s first marriage to her US-based ex-husband, one Olumide Kunfulire, produced a daughter named Simi in September 2008, and that she had thereafter, in 2013, married one Tunde Oriowo, a Lagos socialite by whom she had two sons. She is of course extremely rich: in June 2022, her 13-year-old daughter gifted her younger brother a Benz on his ninth birthday. Nollywood of mystery!
The celebrated actress, Shaffy Bello, who recently organised a masterclass titled ‘What I Know’ for young Nigerians in Lagos, “with the intent of impacting lives, fostering a sense of possibility and sharing valuable lessons drawn from her own experiences in the entertainment industry and in life generally,” presents perhaps the most devious of the divorce stories. She told popular media personality, Chude Jideonwo, that she threw away her 25-year-old marriage because it was a long-distance union. You see, her estranged husband, one Mr Akinrimisi, was based in the United States. Her words: “I realized that if I truly wanted to pursue my dreams, sacrifices had to be made. Unfortunately, in this case, it meant ending the marriage. He was a good father to his children. But I got to a place where I wanted more.” Yeah, Lucifer also “wanted more,” and he became Satan.This is a powerful testimony for the lake of fire. What kind of woman exchanges 25 years of marriage with movie cameras? Can a person who callously threw away her home help anyone to keep theirs?
Divorce is now aso ebi (family cloth): the popular, uniformly worn attire that characterizes parties in this clime. Nearly every celebrity now wants her own piece because, as a being called Tega said recently: “Nigerian men are not romantic, they are terrible lovers to women who are financially stable”. This distinguished authority on Nigerian men must have known a great number of them. In Ghana, because the divorce bug is the same, a character called Xandy Kamel recently “humiliated her ex husband, Nana Kwaku Mensah Kaninja,” by volunteering the intelligence that the guy “only looks handsome in glasses,” but is ugly without them. Well, she must have been blind to have married him. Kamel, like many buffoons these days, is a “media personality.”
Nollywood actress Foluke Daramola-Salako said this of her first marriage: “On the night of my wedding was when I noticed abuse…When I finally decided to step out, people did not understand why I stepped out.” Violence is terrible, but I notice that it is always men doing something to these actresses; they never do anything to men. When Angela Okorie dumped her marriage in the sea, she had “fallen out of love” with her estranged husband, Chukwuma Orizu, “because of pressure from her husband’s family members who were constantly asking her to quit entertainment.” Okorie spoke in a recent podcast interview hosted by her colleague, Iyabo Ojo, another highly experienced actress in the drama called divorce. How fitting.
Actress Wunmi Ajiboye “feels tempted to talk” about her previously flaunted marriage to Segun Ogungbe, “but still for the sake of the beautiful kids would keep mute until he finds appropriate time to do otherwise.” This is of course a dastardly prophecy couched in brilliant language: Ogungbe is projected to “find an appropriate time” to babble about his collapsed home, and give Wunmi an opportunity to pounce on him! Wunmi had written “thanks for coming” to her husband for attending her mother’s burial. The trending report on Wunmi Toriola’s crashed marriage is even more violent: “I trashed my marriage because of threats from my husband.” Toriola’s testimony: “We had our lives coming up. I used to believe we could work things out, but at a point when you have issues in marriage and keep letting you feel your celebrity status is on the rock (sic).” The language mirrors the marriage.
Whenever these actresses/celebrities open their mouths, it seems as if hell is hosting a party. Trying desperately to hold up with pins, the Olympus already fallen before the return to democracy, these shameless, horrendous characters package total emptiness in “sultry” photos, covering a knocked engine with buckets of paint. A headline on Tuesday said “Actress dazzles in pre-birthday shoot,” but when I looked at the actual pictures, there was no dazzle, only dross. Certain women must learn that age is not a myth.
It is love that holds up a body that has passed through manifold tests and trials, but these actresses have already cast off their first love in a fit of rage, “actress” nowadays being only an elegant variation for olosho. The young men cozying up to these hags loathe stale meat, but are intent on clearing out their accounts with criminal precision: the tears ahead are very premium. The industry was great before it was invaded by whores, including newly married frauds claiming that sexual harassment forced their separation from their first bosses, whereas they freely gave out their topography to total strangers. These are the soft-voiced frauds who act as if they cannot finish a wrapping of eko (pap meal) but can cause a civil war. Why marry when you know it won’t outlast the reception ceremony, the graveyard of gluttons?
These characters have lately invented a derisive tag, calling their exes “two-minute” men as if it takes 200 hours to prove manhood, and as if they themselves were not conceived in half a second. A virgin fraud recently exposed for going into marriage for the sole purpose of amassing social media followers called her estranged husband a “two-minute man”, a phrase popularized by a depraved actress whose so-called two-minute ex now has two good-looking children by another actress. Many of the men who took up the foolish challenge of virility now lie in cold graves, silenced forever.
By the way, happy married life to Laide Bakare. The venue for the next wedding may be Dubai: those who live for a plate of food will still be there.
Re: Saheed, UK crook who could have emerged governor…
After reading your piece ‘Saheed, UK crook who could have emerged governor this week’, I can only say more ink in your pen. Thank you for being among those who have insisted not to keep quiet in this very dark period of our country. May daylight shine upon us sooner.
Michael Olaotan (mikeolaotan@gmail.com)
