No doubt the pandemic was pretty tough on people in a plethora of ways. One of these was the sudden wipeout of our social lives.
Gone were Friday night drinks with friends. No more in-person heart-to-hearts with the soul companion you saw as a kindred spirit.
For me personally, I found that the downtime was an opportunity to assess which people I wanted to keep and those from whom I needed to move past.
My dear dad died two years before the pandemic. It was at this time that a couple of family friends I’d known since childhood—but had lost touch with over the years—came back into my life. It started with their reaching out to give condolences and then seeing them at the funeral.
Before long, we were having regular coffees or occasional dinners. For one thing, I needed all the distractions from my grief that I could get.
For another, I felt a fervent desire to dwell in the company of people who knew my father. Being able to talk about Dad as well as hear their own stories about him was the kind of comfort I was seeking.
I welcomed these healing sessions of sorts with open arms.
But over time, it became clear that beyond a myriad of fond memories, we really didn’t have much in common. With one of them, it especially became more and more evident that we really didn’t see eye to eye on a wide range of things.
The truth is that these two friendships started to feel very draining and my heart would sink anytime I saw a text pop for the next round of plans.
But how could I cut things off with the people who had supported me at the worst time of my life? With COVID came the answer. The imposed isolation of the pandemic allowed me to naturally pull back in a way I would have found too difficult to do on my own.
We understand that unfriending someone can be very difficult. It isn’t something that should be taken lightly, so we’ve put together a guide on how to part ways with as much grace as possible.
Friends for a season may not even need a reason
Kind of like some romantic relationships, I believe that some friendships, although meant to be, aren’t meant to last. They come into our lives at a time when we need them most, can learn from one another, and then eventually move on.
Once you’ve come out the other side of it, sometimes these friendships can naturally fizzle or phase out on their own. Coffee and dinners start to decrease in number.
Telephone and text conversations also wind down over a period of time. Before you know it, these friends become the people that you only communicate with once or twice to wish them well on birthdays and vice versa.
There is nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to work to sustain it. Let them go and love them from afar.
A clean break can require a clear conversation
We have to borrow from the romantic relationship analogy yet again because it often applies to friendships as well.
A close friendship may have run its course and then some—but only from your side of things.
This is when you might need something akin to the “it’s not you, it’s me” approach.
Here’s what couples counselor Natalie Claire King has to say on the situation:
“If that person is calling you every day with every crisis, maybe they need to speak to a professional about it. When you’re feeling like a friend has changed a bit, and they’re needing more from you than you’re willing to give, then you do have to be very clear, kind and honest.”
Gently but firmly speak your truth and stick to it, even if the reaction is emotional. If they respond by guilt tripping you in any way, then take that as all the more confirmation that what you’re doing is the right thing. Keep your own reaction neutral and mature as possible while still being kind and compassionate.
Tell them that even though you can’t continue your friendship the way that it was, that you’ll always have a special place for them in your heart.
