The reason any relationship will dissolve is when the couple cannot afford to give each other an open cheque of forgiveness. In this age of serial broken marriages, broken relationships, social frictions and wars, we need to understand the role forgiveness could play in improving our social intelligence as a species before we annihilate ourselves.
There is no gainsaying the fact that many of us have very low social intelligence. Our sense of courtesy and mutual respect has diminished in no small way and with the enthronement of materialism over decency, our children are trained in an environment that makes them believe more in jungle justice and brutish lifestyle.
Many persons who term themselves survivors of broken relationships still end up repeating the same pattern that got their previous relationships to shatter and that is why it is no surprise the research finding that any person who had been in a divorce has a higher tendency to get divorced again in another marriage or partnership. That is if such a person has not learned the art of giving your partner an open cheque of forgiveness.
In our bid to get the perfect partner, we make the mistake of abusing our partners and not appreciating what value he/she brings to the table. While we keep projecting the image of that perfect partner in our imagination on our partners, we abuse the chance we have to build a beautiful relationship with the partner we have. And over time, the relationship crumbles. And that is when we realise that that perfect person really does not exist especially if we are not willing to give our partner an open cheque of forgiveness.
What do we mean when we say “give your partner an open cheque of forgiveness for your relationship to survive”? It is simply readily forgiving whoever we have decided to settle down with ahead of any flaw he or she might bring to the table. As soon as you have decided to settle with anybody, do not rule out the fact that that person is human and therefore not infallible. This implies that your partner is bound to come with a lot of baggages, many of which could be such that should blow your top if you were a car engine.
But when you have decided to settle with him/her and have made up your mind that for the health of your relationship and your mental state, you must adopt the most compassionate nature of Allah (SWT) of the Quran. This also implies that you cannot allow your peace of mind to be determined by the baggage your partner brings to the table. It also implies that you should always look out to amplify whatever good is in your partner while diminishing in your mind and your approach the flaws. Do not store up your partner’s wrongs in your mind as your mental storage system will get overloaded as a result and your nervous system would start malfunctioning. You do not need these kinds of things. You are in this life to live it abundantly. Abundantly implies happily regardless of your social status, the attitude of your partner or who is your president (grins).
So, we cannot overemphasis the need to keep your relationship healthy by readily forgiving all wrongs. ALL WRONGS. And always wishing for the best things to happen to you and yours. If per adventure, you give this open cheque of forgiveness and it is not reciprocated, trust me, the Universe will vindicate you. It will only be matter of time before the universe will rearrange things so you get the kind of partnership you deserve; either your partner improves and starts giving that open cheque or he/she gets removed from the scene and replaced with someone who will reciprocate your open cheque of forgiveness. Won’t that just be splendid?
See you next weekend and may you find reasons to apply the right tools to live life more abundantly.
